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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 

The all-new Hillary Nutcracker kicked off her inevitable 2016 or Bust campaign today by announcing “I can be bought. Now at my website and soon in catalogs and fine stores everywhere.

 

Sporting a hot pink jacket and with her stainless steel thighs glistening in the bright lights, the Grandmother of all Nutcrackers introduced her 2016 campaign themes “It’s Crunch Time, America!” and No More Nuts in the White House!”  (The latter tested gangbusters with women.)

 

The DNC released a lengthy statement that in part read, “What better way to handle all the nut jobs out there?” And prominent Republican strategist, Karl Rove, commented “We just have to make sure she stays in that box”.

 

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Note: “Nutcracker” is not on the list of 13 words journalists were warned not to use.